CONVERTING SANPARKS’ ECOBABBLE INTO ORDINARY ENGLISH.

Once more the SANParks killing machine has moved in, this time on the jackals. Their subsequent report is now to hand and for the benefit of Snoutians, Chris Mercer has converted their Ecobabble into ordinary English:

Extermination of Jackals in Addo
The Jackal Slaughter by SANParks (or Einstein’s Quantum Theory on Jackals)

The ‘Brief report’ by SANParks is now to hand. After explaining that the Springbok herds in Addo and Karoo were not increasing at the desired rate, SANParks deduced that, in the absence of large predators, the problem might be caused by caracals and jackals. A reasonable deduction, all other things being equal. The solution? Kill all the jackals. (The report does not say anything about killing caracals! Hmmm.) Or as they put it in their quaint Ecobabble:

‘This intervention took the form of reduction of the jackal population, together with monitoring of jackal and antelope populations. Since the start of this intervention 132 jackals have been removed from Karoo National Park, 73 from the Darlington Section of Addo Elephant National Park, and 139 from the Kuzuko Contractual Section of the Addo Elephant National Park. The jackals were shot in accordance with SANParks Standard Operating Procedures for Lethal Population Management, which has been approved by the SANParks Animal Use and Care Committee. No traps or poisons of any kind were used’
(The jackals must have been very happy to know that they were being shot in accordance with standard operating procedures, as approved by the Ethics committee.)

Having admitted that the whole thing was an experiment, the report goes on to state as follows. However, it is written in Ecobabble, comprehensible only to the High Priests of Conservation, so we have translated the text into ordinary English after each statement, for better understanding by ordinary mortals.

1. The outcome of this intervention is envisaged to be a robust manuscript about the complexities of jackal-herbivore interactions, which will provide SANParks with guidance for jackal management. (Translation: When we have counted the dead jackals, and the live springbok, then we can tell other parks so they can also go out and kill all their jackals.)

2. All SA National Parks with jackal will benefit by having explicitly tested the competing hypotheses about the efficacy of jackal population management. (Translation: Once we have proved beyond doubt that exterminating jackal populations in game parks stops them from stealing springbok lambs, all of us in SANParks will be so much wiser..er..better informed.)

3. The results can be used in other parks outside of the Frontier Cluster to aid in drawing up mechanism diagrams, and hence management options, for park-specific jackal-herbivore interactions. (Translation: Conservation officers in other parks will be better equipped with ‘robust manuscripts’ telling them how to draw diagrams and exterminate jackals.)

4. The results will also contribute towards the broader understanding of jackal-herbivore interactions and the efficacy of jackal population control within the livestock farming community. (Translation: After this experiment, no one will ever be able to deny that exterminating jackals stops them from stealing springbok lambs, and we can pass this scientific truth on to livestock farmers so that they too can draw diagrams and exterminate jackals.)

5. SANParks will also benefit by being able to demonstrate its ability in implementing active adaptive management to strategically direct its conservation decisions in the face of uncertainty in complex ecosystems. (Translation: Once we are left with no jackals and lots of diagrams, everyone will have to admit how clever we are in solving complicated stock theft cases.)